Why Effective Boundary Setting Must Include Enforcement – Erik Kondo

November 16, 2017 4,545d Comments

 

Please read this post first by Martha McCaughey.

“Clear Communication” Must Include Self-Defense

I think that the above referenced makes some great points. I will expand upon it in terms of my model of Progressive Boundary Setting.

My interpretation is that effective boundary setting must include Clear Communication and Enforcement. Physical self-defense is a form of Enforcement. It is not enough to only communicate boundaries. The communication must be backed up by the consequences of enforcement if the boundary is violated. Just-Right (appropriate) enforcement creates respect for personal and societal boundaries (Rules of Behavior).

Some people violate boundaries because they don’t understand where the boundary is. Other people violate boundaries because they lack respect for the boundary. In the scenarios described by Martha, there is a continuum of certain violating men. On the less extreme side are the self-deluded men who for whatever reason are misinterpreting the woman’s communication (boundaries). On the more extreme side are men who don’t respect the woman’s boundaries and knowingly violate them.

According to a highly referenced study, the majority of collegiate sexual violations come from a small percentage of serial male offenders. These are the men who knowingly violate their victims. The other violations come from people (usually men) who due to certain factors, some mentioned in Martha’s article, sometimes compounded by alcohol, unknowingly violate their victim’s boundaries.

Most people think of interpersonal communication mainly in the form of body language (Visual Fence) and verbal phrases (Verbal Fence). These are the first two levels of communication. But the 3rd and higher level of communication comes in the form of physical actions (Physical Fence). Body language is easily misunderstood. Verbal phrases are less likely to be misunderstood, but can be ignored, especially, if the words are uttered without forceful emotion. Direct physical actions that support simultaneous verbal phrases are hard to misinterpret.

The important point here is that everyone’s current belief is subject to change. The “Unknowingly” man may believe that the woman wants sex with him up only up to a certain point. Regardless of what events transpired before, a person who “thinks” that someone else wants to have sex with him or her is vulnerable to having his or her belief shattered by clear communication that comes in the form of unequivocal verbal combined with direct and forceful physical resistance.

The greater problem comes from the serial offenders who not only knowingly violate their victims. They knowingly seek out victims that are unlikely to enforce their boundaries. These serial offenders’ belief systems combine self-delusion with a lack of respect for their victim’s boundaries and for societal behavioral boundaries. Part of their belief system is that they can and will get away with their actions. This belief is backed up by previous incidents where they have got away with their violations without consequence.

Dealing with this type of person requires more than just communication. Effective physical enforcement is needed to stop violations by either making the violator unable to commit further violations or unwilling to commit further violations. Resistance in the form of pushing away, pulling away, and half-hearted strikes is more communication and less enforcement. Creating pain and injury in the form of biting, gouging eyes, breaking fingers, ripping ears, crushing windpipes and testicles is more enforcement and less communication.

It is easier to temporarily change a belief than it is to physically stop someone from doing something. The serial offender’s belief is not just that they can do something. It is also that they can do it AND get away with it without consequence. Enforcement directly conveys to violators that they will not get away with their actions. Enforcement is not only interruption of a violation, enforcement can also happen after the violating event.

It is the combination of individual enforcement along with societal enforcement from school administrations coupled with legal consequences that creates the overall enforcement that breaks the serial offenders’ belief systems of impunity and creates respect for the Rules of Behavior.

In summary, self-defense training is complimentary to societal methods of primary violation prevention. It is not one or the other. Self-defense makes it easier for society to punish offenders because it eliminates the “Unknowingly” defense. The presence of college women who are willing to enforce violations increases the risk of collegiate perpetrators getting caught and punished. It alters the misguided belief systems of serial offenders who think they can do whatever they wish without consequence, thus providing a strong deterrent to future violations

4 thoughts on “Why Effective Boundary Setting Must Include Enforcement – Erik Kondo”

  89. It is the best time to make a few plans for the longer
    term and it’s time to be happy. I have read this post
    and if I could I desire to suggest you few attention-grabbing things or suggestions.
    Maybe you can write next articles relating to this article.

    I want to read even more things about it!

  98. I’ve been browsing online greater than three hours as of late,
    yet I by no means found any attention-grabbing article like yours.
    It’s lovely price sufficient for me. In my opinion, if all
    website owners and bloggers made just right content material as you probably did, the web shall
    be a lot more helpful than ever before.

  105. It is the best time to make some plans for
    the future and it is time to be happy. I’ve read this submit and if I may just I want to recommend you
    few interesting issues or suggestions. Perhaps you
    could write subsequent articles regarding this
    article. I desire to learn even more issues approximately it!

  108. I enjoy what you guys are usually up too. This sort of clever work and coverage!
    Keep up the fantastic works guys I’ve included you guys to my blogroll.

  109. Howdy just wanted to give you a quick heads up.

    The words in your content seem to be running off the screen in Firefox.
    I’m not sure if this is a formatting issue or something to do with
    web browser compatibility but I thought I’d post to let you know.
    The design look great though! Hope you get the issue solved soon.
    Thanks

  112. I have been browsing on-line more than 3 hours as
    of late, yet I by no means discovered any fascinating article like yours.
    It’s lovely worth sufficient for me. In my opinion, if all web
    owners and bloggers made excellent content material as you
    probably did, the net will likely be much more helpful than ever before.

  114. An intriguing discussion is worth comment. I believe that you should write more
    on this subject, it might not be a taboo subject but generally folks don’t talk about these issues.
    To the next! Cheers!!

  116. I’m gone to say to my little brother, that he should also go to see
    this website on regular basis to obtain updated from most recent news.

  118. Thanks for your write-up. One other thing is individual states in the United states of america have their own personal laws in which affect homeowners, which makes it quite difficult for the Congress to come up with the latest set of recommendations concerning property foreclosures on householders. The problem is that a state offers own laws which may have impact in a negative manner in relation to foreclosure policies.

  155. Бизнесмен и меценат Максим Евгеньевич Каганский родился в Москве 19 ноября 1980 года в многодетной
    семье сотрудника МВД. В 1998 году
    поступил в Московский Юридический Институт МВД России (сейчас – Академия МВД России), специальность – юрист-правовед.

    максим каганский последние новости
    максим каганский последние новости https://www.calend.ru/afisha/1356/

  159. I’ll right away take hold of your rss feed as I can’t
    in finding your email subscription link or e-newsletter service.
    Do you have any? Kindly allow me realize so that I may subscribe.
    Thanks.

  164. hello there and thank you for your information – I have certainly picked up something new from right here. I did however expertise some technical issues using this web site, since I experienced to reload the website a lot of times previous to I could get it to load properly. I had been wondering if your hosting is OK? Not that I am complaining, but slow loading instances times will often affect your placement in google and can damage your quality score if advertising and marketing with Adwords. Anyway I’m adding this RSS to my email and can look out for much more of your respective intriguing content. Make sure you update this again very soon..

  170. Бизнесмен и меценат Максим Евгеньевич Каганский родился в Москве 19 ноября 1980 года в многодетной семье сотрудника МВД.
    В 1998 году поступил в Московский Юридический Институт МВД России (сейчас – Академия МВД России), специальность – юрист-правовед.

    каганский максим евгеньевич сейчас
    каганский максим евгеньевич сейчас http://miamialumniassociation.com/__media__/js/netsoltrademark.php?d=biographe.ru%2Fbiznesmeni%2Fmaksim-kaganskiy%2F

  171. Ahaa, its pleasant conversation concerning this piece of writing here at this web site, I
    have read all that, so at this time me also commenting here.

  176. High quality supplements help you build the body of your dreams.

    If you wish nothing but the best for your silhouette and health, be
    sure to get steroids from the Balkan pharmaceuticals.
    Balkan Pharmaceuticals is one of the largest manufacturers of quality
    goods. In our store, there are only original items obtained directly from the industry.
    Popular Supplements: Steroids, Fat-Burners, Post-Cycle Therapy (PCT),
    Combined Course and others.
    Garland
    Garland https://1bpshop.com/SP-Sustanon-Forte-10-Ml

  228. It’s the best time to make some plans for
    the future and it’s time to be happy. I have read this post and if I could I
    wish to suggest you few interesting things or advice.
    Perhaps you could write next articles referring to this article.

    I want to read even more things about it!

  231. It’s perfect time to make some plans for the future and it’s time to be happy.
    I’ve read this post and if I could I desire to suggest you few
    interesting things or suggestions. Perhaps you can write next articles referring to this article.
    I wish to read more things about it!

  233. I have been surfing on-line greater than three hours today, yet
    I never found any interesting article like yours. It’s beautiful value sufficient for me.
    In my view, if all site owners and bloggers made just right content as you did, the web can be a lot more
    helpful than ever before.

  235. I wish to get across my appreciation for your kindness in support of people that should have assistance with your content. Your very own commitment to passing the message throughout appeared to be exceedingly functional and has regularly encouraged some individuals like me to attain their dreams. Your own insightful facts implies much to me and especially to my office colleagues. Thanks a ton; from all of us.

  240. Hi, i think that i saw you visited my website thus i came to “return the favor”.I’m attempting to find things
    to enhance my web site!I suppose its ok
    to use a few of your ideas!

  242. It’s perfect time to make some plans for the future and it is time to be happy.
    I have read this post and if I could I want to suggest
    you some interesting things or tips. Perhaps you can write
    next articles referring to this article. I desire to read even more things about it!

  246. It’s the best time to make a few plans for the future and it’s time to be happy.
    I’ve learn this post and if I could I desire to counsel
    you some interesting issues or tips. Maybe you can write
    next articles referring to this article. I desire to learn even more
    issues about it!

  327. It is appropriate time to make some plans for the future and it is time
    to be happy. I’ve read this post and if I could I wish to suggest you some interesting things or
    suggestions. Maybe you can write next articles referring to this
    article. I desire to read more things about it!

  330. Everyone loves what you guys tend to be up too.

    Such clever work and coverage! Keep up the amazing works
    guys I’ve incorporated you guys to my blogroll.

  336. Hey there just wanted to give you a quick heads up.
    The words in your post seem to be running off the screen in Safari.
    I’m not sure if this is a format issue or something to do
    with web browser compatibility but I figured I’d post to let you know.

    The layout look great though! Hope you get the problem
    fixed soon. Cheers

  341. I’m pretty pleased to find this website. I need to to thank you for ones time just for this wonderful read!!
    I definitely loved every bit of it and i also have you saved
    to fav to look at new things in your website.

  349. Hey! I’m at work browsing your blog from my new iphone 4!
    Just wanted to say I love reading your blog and look forward
    to all your posts! Carry on the fantastic work!

  405. It is appropriate time to make some plans for the future and
    it is time to be happy. I have read this post and if I could
    I want to suggest you few interesting things or suggestions.
    Maybe you can write next articles referring to this article.
    I want to read even more things about it!

  421. Pingback: sildenafil 50mg
  430. Pingback: cheapest viagra
  441. Pingback: viagra pill
  468. Pingback: viagra online canada

  475. I’ll right away seize your rss as I can not in finding
    your email subscription link or newsletter service. Do you’ve any?

    Kindly permit me know in order that I could subscribe.
    Thanks.

  484. Thank you a lot for sharing this with all people you really understand what you’re talking about! Bookmarked. Kindly also seek advice from my site =). We could have a link trade contract among us!

  486. Pingback: purchase viagra online

  489. I have noticed that of all types of insurance, medical health insurance is the most debatable because of the struggle between the insurance plan company’s necessity to remain afloat and the consumer’s need to have insurance plan. Insurance companies’ earnings on wellness plans are very low, so some firms struggle to generate income. Thanks for the ideas you talk about through this website.

  498. I’ve been surfing online more than 4 hours today,
    yet I never found any interesting article like yours.
    It is pretty worth enough for me. Personally, if all website owners and bloggers
    made good content as you did, the web will be much more useful
    than ever before.

  506. I simply couldn’t depart your site prior to suggesting that I actually enjoyed the usual info an individual provide on your visitors?
    Is going to be again incessantly in order to check out
    new posts

  510. Pingback: how can i buy cialis
  517. Pingback: cialis sex pill

  529. Холостячка 2 сезон https://bit.ly/39ioLkW Смотреть онлайн шоу Холостячка 2 сезон на СТБ.
    Пост шоу можно смотреть тут. Холостячка стб 2 сезон 1-2 серия

  532. Pingback: cialis 20 mg daily use
  538. Pingback: where can you buy cialis
  553. Pingback: cheap viagra no rx
  555. Pingback: www.viagrakari.com

  559. I’ve been browsing online more than three hours today,
    yet I never found any interesting article like yours. It’s pretty worth enough for me.
    In my view, if all website owners and bloggers made good content as you did, the web will be much
    more useful than ever before.

  573. Pingback: discount viagra sale
  574. Pingback: viagra alternatives

  584. It’s perfect time to make some plans for the future and it’s time to
    be happy. I have read this post and if I could I wish to suggest you few interesting things or advice.
    Maybe you can write next articles referring to this article.
    I wish to read even more things about it!

  591. I will right away take hold of your rss feed as I can not
    to find your email subscription link or newsletter service.
    Do you have any? Please allow me know so that I could subscribe.
    Thanks.

  592. Pingback: cialis 5mg
  594. Pingback: female viagra
  603. Pingback: cheapest cialis world
  609. Pingback: cialis rx

  617. Бій Усик – Джошуа: чемпіон-суперник оцінив стиль Усика OleksandrUsyk «В этом бое просто нет смысла: Джошуа нокаутирует Усика» – МК

  623. Pingback: viagra online cheap
  642. Pingback: best price viagra 50 mg

  661. I together with my pals were found to be checking the best key points on the website and then all of a sudden came up with an awful suspicion I had not thanked you for those techniques. Those guys were definitely so very interested to read through them and have in effect very much been taking pleasure in those things. We appreciate you truly being well accommodating as well as for deciding upon this sort of decent areas most people are really eager to learn about. My honest apologies for not expressing gratitude to sooner.

  662. Pingback: how to buy viagra online without prescription

  670. Every weekend i used to go to see this site, because i want
    enjoyment, as this this site conations in fact pleasant funny material too.wholesale
    jerseys from China

  677. I simply couldn’t go away your web site before suggesting that I actually enjoyed the usual
    information a person provide to your guests? Is going to
    be back continuously to inspect new posts

  680. It’s the best time to make some plans for the longer term and it is time to
    be happy. I have learn this put up and if
    I could I want to recommend you few attention-grabbing issues
    or tips. Maybe you can write subsequent articles regarding this article.
    I wish to read even more issues approximately it!

  684. Hi, i read your blog occasionally and i own a similar one and
    i was just curious if you get a lot of spam remarks?
    If so how do you stop it, any plugin or anything you can recommend?
    I get so much lately it’s driving me crazy so any help is very much appreciated.

  688. Pingback: cialis without a doctor prescription usa
  713. Pingback: generic viagra online

  726. I’ve been browsing on-line greater than three hours these days, yet I by no
    means discovered any fascinating article like yours. It’s lovely worth sufficient for me.
    In my view, if all webmasters and bloggers made excellent content material as
    you probably did, the net can be much more helpful than ever before.

  738. I’ll immediately grasp your rss as I can not find
    your e-mail subscription link or e-newsletter service.
    Do you have any? Kindly let me understand so that I could subscribe.
    Thanks.

  741. Just wish to say your article is as surprising.
    The clearness in your post is simply nice and i could
    assume you are an expert on this subject. Fine with
    your permission allow me to grab your feed to keep up to date with forthcoming
    post. Thanks a million and please carry on the gratifying work.

  742. Pingback: sildenafil citrate 100mg

  746. Hi! I know this is somewhat off topic but I was wondering which blog
    platform are you using for this site? I’m getting
    fed up of WordPress because I’ve had issues with hackers and I’m looking at alternatives for another
    platform. I would be great if you could point me in the
    direction of a good platform.

  772. Pingback: cialis tadalafil 10mg
  797. Pingback: best generic viagra